Say what?
by BlondeGinger711
Summary: 'HERMIONE, COME HERE! GET AWAY FROM THAT PHYCO,' Ron demanded. 'THERE'S EVEN A FREE SEAT' He screamed shoving Harry of his chair. What happens when Snape reads Dramione's notes? **3RD CHAPTER NOW UP** T for Swearing.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I don't own HP twilight of anything else mentioned, except the plot.**_

_**A/N: the beginning just shows the notes, then Snape gets a hold of them….**_

…

_Hermione's and Draco's notes_

_Prologue _

_**Granger, are you asleep yet?**_

_Bug of Malfoy!_

_**Only if you go on a date with me, Mudblood. **_

_I would have if you didn't call me a 'Mudblood'. Sarcasm intended. _

_**Only if you go on a date with me. **_

_Really, are you crazy?_

_**No.**_

_Yes._

_**No.**_

_Well then you're just mentally retarded. _

_**Take that back Granger.**_

_Will not._

_**Or else…**_

_Yeah, I'm so afraid._

_**You better be.**_

_What are you going to do? Send 'Crap' and goyle after me._

_**No…I'll do soothing worse. ('Crap' nice one…for someone like you.)**_

_For someone like me? _

_**Mhhh….Somebody going to get hurt real bad and I think you know them really well.**_

_Give it your best shot, Malfoy._

_**Really Granger, here in front of everyone?**_

_That's the whole point. If you really do hurt me, EVERYONE will see…..you're get expelled._

_What?_

_**I'll kiss you….**_

_Say what Malfoy?_

_**You're going to be scarred for life.**_

_No…you will._

_**Said who?**_

_You!_

_**What if I liked it?**_

_What!_

_**I'm going to kiss you here, right now. **_

_Not if I can help it!_

_**I'll give you a second choice!**_

_What now Malfoy?_

_**You kiss me back.**_

_Are you that despite?_

_**Plain & simply Granger, I kiss you, you kiss me back. Problem solved.**_

_Here?_

_**Why not?**_

_I am not!_

_**After dinner?**_

_No._

_**I'll French kiss you.**_

_No way._

_**I promise you're like it.**_

_Will not. _

_**Will too!**_

_NOT!_

_**Will.**_

_NOT!_

_**Goodwill…**_

_What!_

_**The second hand muggle shop…Aren't you're parents muggle's? You should know.**_

_I don't shop at goodwill._

_**Whatever, Kiss me already.**_

_Well…No more name calling Harry and Ron included._

_**One condition….**_

_What?_

_**A kiss a day!**_

_NO!_

_**Come on, no teasing and you kiss me once a day. Problem solved.**_

_No way._

_**I'll settle for just one kiss then. **_

_Not any more you don't._

_**Want me to just grab you right here and snog you? **_

…_.No…way….you….bastard._

_**Then I will!**_

_No!_

_Yes._

_**NO!**_

_I'm just going to come to you when you're at the library and snog you. Deal?_

_**Fuck you malfoy.**_

_That can be arranged._

_**Pervert.**_

_Bookworm_

_**Slytherin beast.**_

_I'm a best now? My feelings are hurt Granger._

…_.._

_**Now back to our topic.**_

_Let's listen to the teacher._

_**So classic**_

_Whatever_

_**One kiss….**_

_No._

_**Snog?**_

_Same thing malfoy._

_**Hmp.**_

_Go snog Parkinson._

_**No way.**_

_Don't you do that every day anyways, right before dinner?_

_**Where did you hear that? **_

_Girl's bathroom…_

_**Rumors**_

_Like everyone believes that._

_**I'm going to kiss you….**_

_Once again no!_

_**In 5…**_

_What?_

_**4.**_

…_._

_**3**_

_Malfoy._

_**2**_

_SNAPE!_

_**1**_

…

'What are you doing?' Snape asked.

'Nothing,' we both exclaimed.

'Passing notes I see!' Snape said reaching for the paper as Malfoy mouthed at me 'eat it!' as I mouthed back 'led poisoning.'

'We aren't professor,' I replied sweetly.

'Well then may I look at them?'

'Umm, of course professor,' I said giving him my study notes.

'Give me the real paper of detention for a month, both of you,' He said as Malfoy gave him his study notes. '10 points of Gryffindor and Slytherin!'

'What?' We gasped as he snatched the paper out of my hand.

'I think the best idea is to read these notes out loud, for a punishment!'

'NO! I'll have detention for a month-'

'Two!' Malfoy exclaimed as he grabbed Snaps leg and got pulled away.

'As tempting as that sounds no, and let go of me Mr. Malfoy,' Snape replied as he cleared his throat and started reading. '_**Granger are you asleep yet?**__ Bug of Malfoy!_" He read.

'I knew you weren't flirting with him.' Ron exclaimed as the Gryffindor's agreed.

Snape started again. '_**Only if you go on a date with me, Mudblood.**_' He read in discust as many slythein's muttered in agreement.'_ I would have if you didn't call me a 'Mudblood'. Sarcasm intended._ _**Only if you go on a date with me-**_'

'Bastard!' I heard somone scream as many people agreed.

'_Really? Are you crazy?_' Snape read.' **Yes. **Yes.** No. **_Well then you're just mentally retarded.'_

'You go Hermione!' Harry screamed.

'_**Take that back Granger,**_' He read once more. '_Will not!-_'

'Suborn mudblood!' I heard Slytherin's mutter.

' _**Or else…**__Yeah, I'm so afraid.__** You better be.-**_'

'Threats!' A Gryffindor screamed. 'Send him to Azkaban!'

'Settle down children!' Snape exclaimed as he read again. '_What are you going to do? Send 'Crap' and goyle after me.__**No…I'll do soothing worse. ('Crap' nice one…for someone like you.)**_.' Snape read as the class turned their heads to look at Crabbe and Goyle eating cake. '_For someone like me? __**Mhhh….Somebody going to get hurt real bad and I think you know them really well.**__ Give it your best shot, Malfoy_-'

'Ohhhh!' voices boomed.

'_**Really Granger, here in front of everyone?**_' Snape read.' _That's the whole point. If you really do hurt me, EVERYONE will see…..you're get expelled.__What? __**I'll kiss you….-**_'

'BLOODY HELLL!' Ron screamed as everyone went crazy like someone won American idol.

'This is crazy!'

'Whoa!'

'POPCORN FOR SALE!' Someone screamed.

'Read more!' Someone screamed as Snape began again.

'_Say what Malfoy? __**You're going to be scarred for life-**_'

'Hell yeah!'

'-_No…you will._'

'Well said Granger!' Someone screamed.

'_**Said who? **__You! __**What if I liked it?**_-'

'BASTERD!'

'HOLY COW!'

'Who says "Holy cow" These days?'

'There look cute together-'

'DISOWN MALFOY!'

'Draco-poo'

'WHAT THE HELL DOES GRANGER SAY?' someone screamed.

'Listen!' Snape ordered as he started again.' _What? __**I'm going to kiss you here, right now-**_'

'TORCHER!'

'MERLIN!'

'In the holy name of Voldemort-'

'2012-'Someone screamed as they chewed popcorn…We all looked at them as everything suddenly stopped.

'That movie was the beast!'

Snape ignored all this as he read again as everyone felt silent. '_Not if I can help it!_' He read as someone clapped.'_** I'll give you a second choice! **__What now Malfoy?' _The whole room felt silent as you could hear people swallow their popcorn Malfoy slowly covered his face ready to face palm as Snape read.'_** You kiss me back.**_'

'Hell no!'

'This is getting gooooodddd!'

'Wow, they totally stole that line from that soup I watch-'

'SHUT UP!' Someone screamed as Snape read on.

'_Are you that despite-_'

'DRACO-POO'

'Shut up Parkinson!' everyone screamed on their edge of their seats.

'_**Plain & simply Granger, I kiss you, you kiss me back. Problem solved.**_' Snape stopped.

'READ ON!' The class chanted as Ron started freaking out.

'_Here? __**Why not?**__ I am not! __**After dinner?**__ No. __**I'll French kiss you-**_'

'SHIT!'

'OMFG!'

'LMFAO!'

'I love their songs!'

'I know right!'

'I NEED to learn how to shuffle!'

'KISS ME DRACO!' Slytherin Girls screamed.

'_No way. __**I promise you're like it.**__ Will not. __**Will too!**__ NOT! __**Will.**__ NOT! __**Goodwill…**_'

'What?'

'_What! __**The second hand muggle shop…Aren't you're parents muggle's? You should know.**_'

'Ohh…'

'_I don't shop at goodwill. __**Whatever, Kiss me already.**_'

'DUN DUN, DUN!'

'To find out what happens going us next week at Dramione101-'

'Will you stop narrating?'

'_Well…No more name calling Harry and Ron included._' Snape read.

'Really, Hermione! You're doing that for us!' Harry exclaimed.

'BEAR HUG!' Ron suggested with his arms spread apart.

'This is crazy sister! Better then Gossip girl I watched last night!'

'IKR!'

'ARE YOU GOING TO CONTINE RADING?'

Snape cleared this throat and started again. '_**One condition….**_' He spoke as everyone fell silent…again. '_What? __**A kiss a day!**_'

'WHAT!'

"I TOOD YOU 2012!'

'It's 2011 Sherlock.'

'No shit Sherlock.'

'Crazy.'

'Mama Mia here I go again!'

'Is he on anything…?'

'DON'T AGREE HERMIONE!' Ron screamed. 'YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO DIE!'

'The mudblood, who would have known.'

'MERLINS BEARD!'

'READ ON!'

Silence filled the room.'_ NO! __**Come on, no teasing and you kiss me once a day. Problem solved.**__ No way. __**I'll settle for just one kiss then.**_'

'AWWW!'

'_Not any more you don't._'

'Rejection!'

'_**Want me to just grab you right here and snog you?**_' Snape read.

'HERMIONE, COME HERE! GET AWAY FROM THAT PHYCO!' Ron demanded. 'THERE'S EVEN A FREE SEAT!' He screamed shoving Harry of his chair.

'Oww! Ron shoved me of my seat and it real hurt!' Harry cried.

'No changing seats,' Snape bugged in.

'But!'

'On with the story!'

'_**Want me to just grab you right here and snog you? **__….No…way….you….bastard.__** Then I will! **__No!__** Yes. **__NO!__** I'm just going to come to you when you're at the library and snog you, Deal?**__' _Snape read.

'BUT DRACO POO!'

'SHUT UP PARKINSON!' The whole class (snape un-included) screamed at her.

'MERLIN THIS IS BETTER THEN TWILIGHT!'

'What is this twilight you speak of?-'

'Twilight is about having a sparkly boyfriends-'

'BEST BOOK EVER!'

'TEAM EDWARD!'

'JACOBE IS THE BEAST!'

'TEAM DRACO MALFOY!'

'TEAM CHARLIE!' Student's screamed as the rest of them looked at each other wondering what the hell there talking about.

'READ!'

'_Fuck you malfoy_**. **_**That can be arranged**__-_'

'SAY WHAT!'

'LIKE WOAH!'

'OH NO YOU DIDN'T,' someone screamed as I suddenly heard snaps.

'I bet you Granger's going to say yes.'

'NO WAY!'

'I bet you a gallon!'

'WILL SNAPE JUST READ ALREADY?' Someone screamed as everyone faced snape.

'And I was like no way, and she was like yes way!' He laughed into a muggle cell phone. 'Bye mom.' He muttered as he read once again. '_Pervert__** Bookworm **__Slytherin beast.__** I'm a best now? My feelings are hurt Granger**__…Now__** back to our topic.**_' Snape read.

'Wait for it!'

'_Let's listen to the teacher._'

'You owe me a gallon.'

'PARTY POOPER!'

'Nice move.'

'Really Hermione?'

'_**So classic,'**_ Snape read.'_ Whatever __**One kiss….**__ No. __**Snog?**_ _Same thing malfoy._'

'POWMED!'

'AWWW!'

'How is this better then twilight?-'

'Way better then Twilight.'

'I know right!'

'TWILIGHT IS THE BEST!' Someone screamed from the back of the room.

'Do we even know you?'

'He looks like that Hufflepuff that died.'

'And I thought no one would die that year…'

'Cedric wasn't it?'

'What's his face?'

'HUFFLEFUFFS HAVE NO SOULS!'

'What are we going to do with him?'

'Leave him.' Everyone replied making hand movements.

'Will you read already?

Snape started again. '_**Hmp. **__Go snog Parkinson._'

'FINALLY SOMETHING REASONABLE!' Parkinson screeched.

'SHUT UP PANSY!'

'_**No way,**_'

'DRACO!'

'HOW MANY TIMES-'

'Yeah I know 'shut up.'' Parkinson admitted.

'_Don't you do that every day anyways, right before dinner?_'

'DUH!'

'DOESN'T HE!'

'_**Where did you hear that? **__Girl's bathroom…__** Rumors,**_' Snape read.

'OMG!'

'IN THE NAME OF TOM RIDDLE!'

'I got to go tweet this!'

'ROLF!'

'_Like everyone believes that._' Snape read.'_** I'm going to kiss you…. **__Once again no!__** In 5…**_'

'COUNT DOWN!'

'OMG!'

'_What? __**4.**__ …. __**3**__ Malfoy.' Snape read gripping onto the sheet._

'_OMG!'_

'_This is it!'_

'_These people are so stupid.' Draco muttered._

'_Agreed.' I replied._

'_**2 **__SNAPE!__** 1**_'

'BLASTOFF!'

'OMFG!'

'SNAPE YOU BASTARD YOU RUINED THE WHOLE THING!'

'IF IT WASN'T YOU-'

'AND YOU FAT FACE-'

'AND-'

'GREASY HAIR!'

'Thank Merlin.'

'Wait till the dark lord finds out.

'Well, I guess I'll see you around.' Draco muttered. 'If I don't get killed that is.'

'If it helps I'll give you a kiss….' I muttered.

'Kiss a day deal?'

'Depends,' I mumbled.

'Well, see you after Dinner.'

'YOU TWO SHOULD LIKE SERIOSLY WRIGHT A SEQUAL!' A Gryffindor girl screamed.

'Hell yeah!' Everyone replied as Ron went of sculling in a corner.

_**A/N: Thanks for reading, I wrote this one day (by hand) when I was bored and I thought I should post it. I thought this whole thing is random, and it's my first shot at a parody. It seriously had NO plot what so ever. Anyways, I prefer HP to twilight but my bestie likes it a lot. I just read the first two books, and I'm team Edward. So please Read and review, I would really appreciate it. Come on just press the button. =*) **_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, twilight or WWE and anything else mentioned in this story except the plot.**_

_**...**_

_T for swearing_

_**Sup Granger.**_

_Hey, Malfoy_

_**Back to surname's aren't we?**_

_Weren't we always on surnames?_

_**That's not what you said last night.**_

_I didn't say anything last night._

_**Oblivious aren't we?**_

_I beg to differ._

_**I have something to tell you.**_

_Spit it out Malfoy._

_**If I would have written you a love song, you would already be in love with me.**_

_Where did that come from?_

_**My heart**_

_More like your ass._

_**Now how did you guess?**_

_Whatever_

_**Granger….**_

_What now?_

_**Weasely's starting at you.**_

_Let him stare._

_**Can I kiss you to make him mad?**_

_No._

_**That's not what you said last night…**_

_Nice story Malfoy, tell it again._

_**Gladly**_

_Write a book then_

_**So everyone can read it?**_

_Go to hell Malfoy__**.**_

_**You're hurting my feelings Granger!**_

_*Rolls eyes in agony*_

_**If you and me where on an island, what would you do.**_

_Get out of there_

_**I would snog you.**_

_Pay attention to Snape!_

_**Broom closet at 8?**_

_No_

_**Why not?**_

_Because._

_**Stop being small little child Granger, I know you love me!**_

_Fat chance in Hell_

_**I have a chance!**_

_You're bloody annoying._

_**Stop being such an airhead granger; admit your love for me.**_

_Then what? Flying off on a unicorn into the sunset?_

_**Hell yeah!**_

_You're useless._

_**On the contrary…**_

_I don't want to hear this._

_**Granger?**_

_What?_

_**Same time as yesterday?**_

_Why not?_

_**Yes, you finally agree!**_

_Do I look like I have any other choice?_

_**Potty and Weasel-bee**_

_Harry's dating Ginny, and Ron's with Lavender._

_**Any you're with me.**__  
>If you say so…<em>

_**Weasel-be is such an idiot.**_

_Look who's talking._

_**Why is he with Brown anyways?**_

_How am I supposed to know?_

_**Golden trio, ring a bell?**_

_Yes it does._

_**You could always ditch them and join the silver trio.**_

_Which is…?_

_**Me and Blaze. **_

_Bloody Fantastic._

_**So you're joining?**_

_Sarcasm. Let me guess, Your Harry, Blaze is Ron and Parkinson is Lavender. _

_**No…**_

_So today at 8, the usual spot? _

_**Kay. **_

'Shit,' Ron muttered one day at potions class.

'What now?' Harry Potter replied with a not amused expression.

'There at it again,' He announced. 'There writing there….Love notes.' Ron spat.

'Let them be.'

'NO FILPPING WAY!' Ron roared at Harry. 'PROFFESOR SNAPE THERE WRITING LOVE NOTES AGAIN!' Ron snickered as he pointed his finger to Malfoy and Hermione.

'Well-' Snape started as he got rudely cut off.

'OMG!'

'I THOUGHT THEY WOULD WRITE A SEQUAL!'

'EVEN SNAPE'S MOM REQUESTED IT-'

'SNAPE HAS A MOM-'

'NO FLIPPING WAY!'

'I swear most of you will land of in Azkaban…' Snape muttered as he made his way to Hermione and Malfoy who where in there 'own little world' not even giving a shit. Snape tore the paper out of their hands as they looked in shock.

'Seriously, can't you write notes around here?' Malfoy started.

'No,' Snape muttered as awkward silence filled the room. 'NOW WHO'S UP FOR A NOTHER EPISODE FOR DRAMIONE101 !'

'HELL YEAH.'

'I rather read the percy Jackson series!-'

'YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!'

'PERCY HAS HIS OWN SERIES!' Ron glared. 'Am I in it?'

'NO!'

'Like come on I was always nice to him.'

'Hmmm…' The class responded.

'Now let's read!' Snape laughed rubbing his hands together like a mad scientist.

'Are you sure he's on the light side?' Someone asked in a scared voice.

'Positive, 'the class replied making hand movements as Snape started.

'Weasely's staring at you Granger, what is he, you're father?' Malfoy slowly muttered in Hermione's ear as the rest of the class went ballistic about who knows what. 'Its annoyi-'

'Jealousy!'

'I smell love!'

'No, that's the new perfume I bought. It's called Someday.-'

'JUSTIN BIEBER'S BRAND?'

'OMFG! I _totally_ need that!'

'SHUT UP!' Ron screamed. 'YOU WANT GREASE BALL TO READ OR NOT!'

'No shit Sherlock!' The class replied as they sat down eagerly in their seats.

'ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLE!' Snape exploded.

'HELL YEAH!'

'This week Hulk Hogan vs. Bret Hart-'

'Isn't this supposed to be Potions class?'

'How the hell did we get to that to WWE?'

'Where's the rock?' Someone asked as everyone waved their hand in a 'whatever' sort of way.

'COME ON START READING!' People protested, as Ron eyed me and Draco.

'I hope Edward Cullen doesn't appear this time!'

'IKR! Who wrote this piece of crap anyways?'

'Like where the hell is Voldemort?'

'Oooooo!' The class well ooo-ed under their breath.

'Aren't you a shitless bastard saying Voldemort's name out load.'

'WHO CARES?' A slytherin boy added.

'_Excuse me_.' Snape said in the most sarcastic voice ever imagined. 'Trying to read here!' The hall went quite as no-one talked about Justin B, WWE or Snape's greasy hair once in their life. '_**Sup Granger.**__Hey, Malfoy.__** Back to surname's aren't we?**_'

'Whoa!'

'Did they have a fight?'

'So sweet!'

'_Weren't we always on surnames?_' Snape read as the class sighed in disappointment. '_**That's not what you said last night.**_'

'HERMIONE, EXPLAIN YOUR SELF THIS VERY MINUTE!' Ron screamed.

'This is fantastic!' Someone laughed in agony.

'OMFG-'

'It's a dinosaur-'

'Holy Jesus Christ-'

'Where do people get this stuff from?' Someone walked in as he stood in the middle of the room, while everyone went crazy. 'White people these days.' **(A/N: No I'm not racist, I'm even white myself lol.)**

'_I didn't say anything last night. __**Oblivious aren't we?**_' Snape read.

'WHAT IS MALFOY EVEN PLAYING AT?'

'Bloody hell?'

'What's the chaos about, I read worse.'

'_I beg to differ. __**I have something to tell you.**__ Spit it out Malfoy._' Snape read strolling around the class room.

'Hey didn't anyone ever notice Snape is somewhat like batman?'

'Yeah, he's hanging around in the dungeon's…' Someone laughed as everyone fell quite. 'You know like he's a man but a bat…Because he hangs around in the dungeons.' He added as he fidgeted his fingers, as the sound of crickets filled the room.

'You know what I thought of?' Harry asked as everyone replied 'what?' 'He is like batman because he hangs out in the dungeons too much!' He exclaimed as everyone practically where ROLF-ing.

'POTTER'S SUCH A JOKER!'

'IKR.'

'OMG!'

'Are you guys going to watch the opening season on big bang theory?' Someone asked.

'HELL YEAH!' Snape laughed dancing a…gig?

'Snape stop dancing and start reading!' Harry commanded.

'That's not what your mother said 20 years ago!' Snape defended himself as everyone grew quite.

'Just read the dam thing.'

'_**If I would have written you a love song, you would already be in love with me. **__Where did that come from?__** My heart. **__More like your ass._' Snape read as people started screaming again.

'DRACO-' Parkinson started again.

'SHUP UP PARKINSON, FOR THE LAST TIME!' We chanted.

'I just wanted to say I'm with Blaze now.' Parkinson snickered.

'No one gives-'Someone started.

'IF YOU GUYS KEEP SWEARING THIS WON'T BE RATED T ANYONE MORE!' Someone screamed with a 'Hi my name is BlondeGinger711' sticker.

'What do you think that means?' Lavender asked.

'I think it's important.' Blaze admitted.

'Meh.' The class sighed as they turned back around to face Snape.

'I'm supposed to read, eh?' Snape sighed as he began. '_**Now how did you guess? **__Whatever__** Granger…. **__What now?__** Weasely's starting at you.**_'

'I knew he was jealous! In your face.'

'Who's face?'

'Your mom!' Someone laughed. Snape sighed these idiots would never get anywhere in their life, and to think them where 16 year old… More like 5-

'READ SLAVE!'

'_Let him stare. __**Can I kiss you to make him mad?**__ No. __**That's not what you said last night…**_'

'WTF Happened last night?'

'IKR?'

'WORLD WAR TWO HAPPENED!'

'Yeah, of course.'

'World war 2?'

'2012 is the real deal!'

'No one cares about Worlds war 2 except 70 year olds, teacher's and History geeks.' Ron concluded.

'Finally, something reasonable…from you,' A Slytherin muttered.

'SHUT UP!' Once again…Oh whatever you already know everyone calms down and Snape starts reading.

'_Nice story Malfoy, tell it again. __**Gladly. **__Write a book then_' Snape read.

'Wise words Granger!'

'A book why haven't I thought of that.'

'You're mentally retarded?' A Gryffindor asked as Snape started reading once more.

'_**So everyone can read it? **__Go to hell Malfoy__**. You're hurting my feelings Granger! **__*Rolls eyes in agony*__**If you and me where on an island, what would you do.**_'

'What's with all this muggle reference?'

'IKR?'

'_Get out of there. __**I would snog you.**__ Pay attention to Snape!_'

'Why is Granger so much like….Granger?'

'Cuz she's Granger?'

'No shit Sherlock-'

'THIS PLACE IS ABOUT TO B-B-BLOW!' A gryffindor screamed.

'I want to go!' Someone whined.

'Seriously?' Malfoy face palmed as Snape started reading once again.

'_**Broom closet at 8? **__No__** why not? **__Because.__** Stop being small little child Granger, I know you love me!**_' Sanpe read.

'Why is Malfoy into Granger that much?' Someone asked.

'IKR!'

'I doubt there dating...'

'Just imagine Malfoy and Granger-'

'ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?' Ron roared.

'lol.'

'Roflmaoshtmsfoaidmt.' Harry exploded.

'What does that even mean?'

'Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off, so hard that my sombrero fell off and I dropped my taco!'

'That makes sense…'

'Potter's Mexican?'

'_Fat chance in Hell __**I have a chance!**__ You're bloody annoying. __**Stop being such an airhead granger; admit your love for me.**__ Then what? Flying off on a unicorn into the sunset?_' Snape read.

'Isn't that lovegood's think?'

'Riding on a unicorn…'

'Unicorns I love them… Unicorns I love them. Unicorns I love them. Unicorns I love them. Unicorns I love them ALLLLLL!' Some sang (supposedly snape) as music appeared.

'THIS IS MY JAM!'

'QUITE DOWN CLASS, We have to read some literature.' Snape demanded. '_**Hell yeah! **__You're useless.__** On the contrary… **__I don't want to hear this.__** Granger? **__What?__** Same time as yesterday?**_'

'As I said before- WHAT IN THE WORLD DID YOU TWO DO YEATERDAY!' Ron shrieked.

'Stuff,' Hermione and Draco replied.

'What kind of stuff?'

'Totally awesome stuff you wouldn't be capable off,' Draco bragged.

'_Why not? __**Yes, you finally agree!**__ Do I look like I have any other choice? __**Potty and Weasel-bee**_.'

'She agreed?'

'DUH!'

'_Harry's dating Ginny, and Ron's with Lavender. __**Any you're with me.**__ If you say so…'_

'This is criminal!'

'ILLIGAL!'

'IT SHOULD BE BANNED!'

'Their dating?'

'Wow, you're slow. If your name Ronald by any chance?'

'_**Weasel-be is such an idiot. **__Look who's talking.__** Why is he with Brown anyways?**_'

'BECAUSE HE LOVES ME!' Lavender acknowledged.

'I never knew Lavender brown could form a sentence with more than 3 words…'

'MIND BLOW!'

'_How am I supposed to know? __**Golden trio, ring a bell?**__ Yes it does. __**You could always ditch them and join the silver trio.**_' Snape read as he shook his head in disgrace.

'Silver trio?'

'First the worst, second the best third the one with the golden chest-'

'DRESS!'

'CHEST!'

'_Which is…? __**Me and Blaze. **__Bloody Fantastic.'_

'Silver trio, what bogus is that?'

'I'M IN IT!' Blaze laughed like a maniac and punched the air. 'IT YOUR FACES!'

'_**So you're joining? **__Sarcasm. Let me guess, Your Harry, Blaze is Ron and Parkinson is Lavender. __**No…**_'

'LOL!'

'OMG!'

'This is epically epic!'

'So putting this on my favorites!' Someone laughed as Snape read once more.

'_So today at 8, the usual spot? __**Kay.**_' Snape finished.

'WTF?'

'OMFG!'

'YOU TWO ARE DATING!'

'Tell me this is a lie!' Ron managed to say as he rolled around the floor in shock.

'Well….Um…Me and Draco are well yeah, it's true…We're dating,' Hermione said as her and Draco held hands. And all was well. Well not exactly Ron was looking like Tom Riddle the second, Harry's going on about being betrayed. Snape's passing out on the floor and pansy's trying to do something with his haier. While Blaze is telling him about his new hit 'I love unicorns' and something about charts and top 5. You know the usual.

_**A/N: Well I hoped you like it; please tell me what you think. Thanks for all the reviews, I really appreciate it. Anyways, did anyone know where I got some of the reference from? My friend shows me lots of stuff from the internet. ;) R&R **_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Smosh, Ke$ha, facebook or twitter (no duh). Also I DO NOT OWN MY IMMORTAL, or anything else in this mentioned**__**. **___

_-T for swearing-_

_Prologue_

_**What the hell are we learning anyways?**_

_Pay attention, Draco._

_**Let my rephrase that, what shit are they torturing us with today.**_

_I swear you're not going to get a job._

_**Actually, I'm second in class and your stupid Potter is like I don't know…last. Never mind that's Weasley. **_

_Shut up._

_**That's not how you treat your boyfriend. **_

_I'm sorry._

_**I'm winning!**_

_Draco, it's called sarcasm._

_**Anyway, got any plans for news year eve?**_

_No, do you?_

_**Well then I'm taking you out on a date then.**_

_I guess you want me to agree._

_**You are.**_

_I don't have a choice, don't I?_

_**No, you're coming with me. Plus you went off to Weasley for Christmas. **_

_Draco I was with you for like a week._

_**Phhww. **_

_Alright then I'll come._

_**You don't have a choice anyway.**_

_Whatever_

_**Stupid Potter and Weasley**_

_What now?_

_**Why do you hang out with such losers?**_

_There my friends._

_**Friends? More like follow idiots. **_

_Seriously I got to take notes. _

_**Hermione!**_

_Draco!_

_**I'm more important.**_

_Education is more important then you're stupid face._

_**Well that hurts, and my face isn't stupid it's quite handsome**__._

_You're so cocky. _

_**Like you aren't**_

_I'm not!_

_**Are too!**_

_I'm not!_

_**Are too!**_

_Well that's why you love me._

_**I agree. **_

_Precisely_

_**So is stupid Weasel still dating Brown?**_

_There having affairs all the time but yes._

_**What me to be honest?**_

_What?_

_**I hate both of them.**_

_You can't just hate someone, Draco._

_**Well I do, because I'm Malfoy.**_

_Draco._

_**What about That Red head and Potter?**_

_Yeah there dating._

_**Well, then if there were ever a couple contests we would win.**_

_You're so cocky._

_**Well how's it like having the best boyfriend ever?**_

_I don't know go ask Ginny._

_**Well that hurts my feelings.**_

_We all know you don't have feelings._

_**Hermione, are you saying I don't love you? Well that's rude.**_

_You know I'm just kidding, love._

_**I know that too, but seriously ditch those stupid Gryffindor's.**_

_Draco!_

_**I never knew you love my name so much.**_

_Ditto_

_**So well I'll pick you up on Saturday at like 7?**_

_Alright, better put these away before snape comes-_

…

I thought you guys would learn not to pass notes around." Snape sighed as his lips plastered into a grin. "But of course this means a new episode of DRAMIONE 101!" He roared as the class heads shot up, as some dupstep stated playing.

"BLOODY HELL!"

"I LOVE THIS SONG!"

"I thought you guys let this drop." Someone's sophisticated voice called from the back of the room. "You guys should get sued for-"

"MENTAL MIND RAPE!"

"Oh you guy just shut up." Snape hollered. "It's not like this is off the end of the world!"

"IS TOO SMART ONE," Ron screamed. "IF WE DIE I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Is not," Snape replied. "My ice cream expirers in 2013."

"Sometimes I wonder if you're stupid." Draco sighed as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Well if you don't I'll spank that ass of yours." Snape muttered.

"BLOODY HELL!" Draco exclaimed as Hermione was pulling him down from standing up and falcon punching Snape. "My father will hear about this!"

"We don't care."

"We don't have to listen to your threats." A Gryffindor shouted. "We are who we are!"

"Hot and dangerous, if you're one of us, then roll with us. 'Cause we make the hipsters fall in love-"

"SHUT UP!" The whole class (I mean literally the whole class) Screamed.

"SHAPE READ!"

"Alright, keep your knickers on."

"I DON'T WEAR KNICKERS!"

"PANSY!" Blaise screamed. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO STEAL MY BOXERS!"

"Youth these days," Snape muttered. "LET'S START THIS ALREADY!"

"KK."

"Alright girlfriend!"

"Ewww! Snape you're dating Colin, bloody hell Colin how did you get here?" Harry screamed.

"Doesn't matter let's get this party started."

"_**What the hell are we learning anyways?**_" Snape read as his face turned into disgust.

"True that," Someone screamed.

"What the hell are learning about anyway?"

"CHUCK NORRIS?"

"You're an idiot." A slytherin replied. "Chuck Norris isn't worth your presence."

"THIS SCHOOL IS CHUCH NORRIS APPROVED!"

"Urgg!" Snape cried. "GTFO."

"No thanks I'm here for the popcorn!"

"Always," Snape face palmed as he started reading again. "_Pay attention, Draco._"

"Oh, come on Granger!"

"Hermione!" Ron screamed on the ground in agony. "Tell that ferret off!" He roared rolling on the floor as if someone was torching him.

"Someone please step on him."

"NNNNNOOOO!"

"Whatever, no one will miss him anyway."

"RonRon!-"

"SHUT UP LAVENDER!"

"Yeah what they said." Snape said shrugging as he continued reading. "_**Let my rephrase that, what shit are they torturing us with today.**_"

"Whoa!" Someone screamed. "NOT ENOUGH SWEARING!"

"LOL!"

"Mr. Malfoy such dirty language." Snape said. "STFU!"

"My father will hear about this."

"YOUR FATHER IS IN ASKABAN!" Ron screamed as he still rolled on the floor as Lavender looked worried to death.

"GO CRY ON HERMIONE'S SHOULDER NOW!"

"NNNNNNNNNOOOOO!" Ronald screamed. "Hermione that f-ferret-"

"Whatever this is totally off the hinges. ON WITH DRAMIONE 101"

"NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP!"

"_I swear you're not going to get a job.__** Actually, I'm second in class and your stupid Potter is like I don't know…last. Never mind that's Weasley.**_"__

"BURN!"

"For sizzle my nizzle."

"BUTSCRACHERS GET YOUR BUTSCRACHERS!"

"Hermione come back to the light side!" Ron screamed!

"Ron I'm still on the light side." Hermione replied face palming.

"I WIN THE BEAT BITCH!"

"Shut up you guys this is rated Teen." Someone with a name tag 'Hi my name is BlondeGinger711' said.

"Oh look it's that chick again."

"I guess she's sending us a warning."

"Who gives a shit? I don't hbu?"

"We really do swear a lot…"

"WHATEVER!"

"Come on Snape read!"

"_Shut up. __**That's not how you treat your boyfriend. **_" Snape read with a Not amused expression.

"Y U NO TELL ME EARIER?"

"Breath, 1 2 3, Breath Ron breath." Lavender repeated over and over as she gave him CPR.

"HEY DO YOU STILL HAVE SOME BUTTSCRACHERS?"

"Props."

"READ!"

"_I'm sorry._"

"SHE'S APOLZIGINGING!"

"HE PROBOBLY BEATS HER!"

"You guy are morons, its sarcasm."

"I would love to be beaten by Malfoy." Colin muttered.

"WUT!"

"COMING FROM SNAPES BOYFRIEND!"

"I not dating snape it's just a causal-"

"STFU AND GTFO COLIN!" Snape screamed. "THAT WAS A ONE NIGHT STAND!"

"OOOHHHH!" The class screamed as Blaise spit out his water landing all over Harry.

"STFU NO WAY LOLZZZ! I GOTTA TO POST THIS ON TWITTER!"

"Tax prices are increasing by the second."

"OMG!"

"FB MOMENT!"

"I'M READING!" Snape hollered as the class calmed down. "_**I'm winning! **__Draco, it's called sarcasm_."

"Told you!"

"LOL"

"Never gonna give you up  
>Never gonna let you down<br>Never gonna run around and desert you  
>Never gonna make you cry<br>Never gonna say goodbye  
>Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you"<p>

"GUYS DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?"

"_**Anyway, got any plans for news year eve? **__No, do you?" _Snape read.

"I know where this is going…"

"Omggg! What am I doing for new years eve?" Pansy screeched.

"We don't give a shit."

"No shit Sherlock."

"Don't hate on shit it is the shit!"

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"I TOLD YOU GUYS NOT TO SWEAR!"

"Ikr?"

"Well I swore then I took an arrow to my knee."

"I use to tell arrow to my knee jokes but then I put some meat in your mouth." **(A/N: if you get that reference your totally awesome)**

"READ SLAVE!"

"I'm not your slave." Snape replied.

"Whatever."

"_**Well then I'm taking you out on a date then-.**_" Snape started as the room filled with scandal.

"Well isn't this !"

"lol Ikr?"

"wtf?"

"MARRY POPPINS FTW!"

"What's marry Poppins?"

"_I guess you want me to agree. __**You are.**_" Snape kept on reading as his eyebrows couldn't be seen from under his greasy hair.

"Well you know Granger I heard you like bad boys." A slytherin called out. "Well I don't want to empress you or anything, but when Disney channel asked me to ask my parent's before going on there website. I didn't."

"WELL I DON"T WANT TO EMPRESS YOU OR ANYTHING BUT I CAN SWIM WITHOUT A LIFEJACKET!"

"BUTSCRACHERS, NOW ONLY $2.99!"

"LET'S GO PLANKING!"

"Owling!"

"CONING YOU NOOBS!"

"I SAID SNAILING!"

"MAILBOXING!"

"THAT'S STUPID! LET'S LISTEN TO THE REST!" A Gryffindor girl screamed as Snape began once again.

"_I don't have a choice, don't I? __**No, you're coming with me. Plus you went off to Weasley for Christmas. **_"

"Do I sense jealousy?"

"Oh that's so sweet-"

"IF IT WASN'T GRANGER AND MALFOY FOR GODNESS SAKE!"

"G-Guys I-I We-el I r-ran out of Vodka…."

"STUPID THAT'S ONLY WATER!"

"I'm SEXY AND I KNOW IT!"

"Please don't wiggle your junk!"

"WIGGLE WIGGLE WIZZLE YEAH!"

"My mind has been scared and raped for eternity." Harry whispered as he fell to the floor. His hands covering his face and his hair were everywhere, as his body collapsed to the ground.

"Good for you Potter, glad you enjoyed that." Snape muttered as he read once again. "_Draco I was with you for like a week._-

"THAT WERE YOU WHERE!" Ron screamed as he joined Harry on the ground. "BLOODY HELL!"

"_**Phhww. **__Alright then I'll come.__** You don't have a choice anyway.**_"

"I wonder where Malfoy's taking her?"

"TO SEE THE HUNGER GAMES!"

"NOOOO BREAKING DAWN!"

"STARKID!"

I KNOW I SAID THIS BEFORE BUT TWILIGHT IS THE BEST!"

"Not this stupid discussion again."

"Settle down children." Snape said clearing his voice. "WE ALL KNOW EDWARD IS THE HOTTEST!"

"Oh no he didn't," Ron gasped.

"Oh yes he did," Draco muttered.

"This is…" Harry started. "THE BEST NEWS EVER, FINALLY SOMEONE ON TEAM EDWWARD WITH ME!"

"That's great and all but back to Dramione 101," Snape replied. "_Whatever. __**Stupid Potter and Weasley**__ What now? __**Why do you hang out with such losers?**_"

"WE ARE NOT LOSERS!" Ron and Harry screamed dressed in tuxedos and black sunglasses.

"We have so much swag it explodes when we enter the room." Harry Said as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Oh shut up Potter you're so cocky!"

"YEAH STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!" Draco replied.

"NOW ON WITH THIS STUFF!"

"_There my friends. __**Friends? More like follow idiots. **__ Draco!_" Snape read.

"I use to be a follower then I put an arrow to my knee."

"You guys are so stupid putting arrows in your knee."

"lol Ikr?"

Snape cleared his voice again as the room grew quite "Seriously_ I got to take notes. __**Hermione!**__ Draco! __**I'm more important.**_"

"OHH THIS IS GETTING GOOD!"

"I predict a cat fight…"

"NO SHIT SHERLOCK!"

"Snape reads the slips of paper as his expression grows intense by every word. Everyone is hooks on everything he says, as the grip the end of their seats, sweat is now falling down their faces as Blaise spits out more water-"  
>"STOP NARRATING!"<p>

"lol ikr like gag!"

"LET THE MAN READ IN PEACE!"

"_Education is more important then you're stupid face._"

"Burn."

"OOOHHHHH!" The class hollered.

"BOOMKACALACA!"

"Cows go MOOOO!"

"_**Well that hurts, and my face isn't stupid it's quite handsome**__. You're so cocky. __**Like you aren't**_" Snape read on as the expression on everyone's faces (except Draco's and Hermione's) changed dramatically.

"I agree with Malfoy!"

"In a way….."

"NO WAY IN HELL IS HERMIONE COCKY!"

"What does cocky mean?"

"Google it." Someone replied as everyone faced Hermione as they expected her to answer.

"Cocky describes someone who is overly self-confident. Someone who is very arrogant and assumes they know all the answers is an example of cocky, for example Malfoy." Hermione sighed.

"GRANGER IS RIGHT!"

"Oh shut up you living dictionary and let's go back to the story."

"OOHHH EDAWRD CULLAN!"

"!"

"Oh shut up at stop the matrics."

"MMMAATTTRRRIIICCCSSS!"

"LOL FTW!"

"WTF?"

"OMFG I LOVE THAT MOVIE!"

"Okay I really mean it you guys SHUT UP!"

"Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was...Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!" Snape read as the class roared in pain.

"WHAT IS THAT?"

"I'm going to have nightmares."

"OMGGZZ DRACO!"

"Sorry class." Snape said. "I just got my papers mixed up and started reading my immortal instead."

"BACK TO THE REAL STORY!"

"KK!"

"_I'm not! __**Are too!**__ I'm not! __**Are too!**__ Well that's why you love me._" Snape read.

"LOVE!"

"HOLY VOLDEMORT!"

"OMZZZ DUMBLEDORE!"

"It's a dinosaur!"

"STFU YOU GUYS AND EAT SOME CJICKEN!"

"OMMGGG!" A Gryffindor shouted as everyone was getting a mental break down.

"I LIKE TRAINS!"

"Wait till you hear this," Snape laughed evilly rubbing his hands together like a mad scientist. "_**I agree **__Precisely_."

"HELL NO!"

"Malfoy and Granger sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love then comes marriage then comes a ba-"

"DON'T GO THERE!" Harry shrieked. "FOR RONS SAFTY!"

"_**So is stupid Weasel still dating Brown? **__There having affairs all the time but yes._" Sanpe read on.

"WE ARE NOT HAVING ANY AFFAIRS!" Ron screamed.

"RonRon and I are going to live I our dream villa after Hogwarts." Lavender added.

'DISCUSTING!"

"I think I barfed."

"NOT IF YOU CAN'T AFORD IT!" A slytherin (probably Malfoy) Screamed back.

"SHUT UP IT'S GETTING GOOD!" Snape cried. "What_** me to be honest? **__What?_" At this point everyone was practically on the ground as they grew silent. "**I**_** hate both of them.**_"

"Be careful Malfoy if you play with fire your get burned!" Ron said.

"I don't think so." Malfoy replied smirking. "I'm so flaming hot the fire with get burned."

"FOR SHIZZLE MY NIZZLE!"

"BURN!"

"OMGG!"

"This is obvious."

"_You can't just hate someone, Draco. __**Well I do, because I'm Malfoy.**__ Draco._" Snape read.

"Granger always the smart one."

"Lolz Ikr?"

"I agree with Malfoy Weasel is an idiot!"

"He never said that."

"But he is an IDIOT!"

"STFU!"

"LMFAO!"

"_**What about That Red head and Potter? **__Yeah there dating._" Snape read flinching.

"WHY ARE YOU ASKING ABOUT OUR PERSONAL LIFE?" Ginny screamed

"Ginny how did you get here?" Harry asked. "You're a year younger than us."

"Everyone knows you guys have all the fun so I'll stick around." Ginny replied. "Anyway-"

"DO THE THRILLIER!"

"THRILLIER!"

"Oh shut up you Mexican guy."

"Mexicans, EWWWW!"

"I BET WEASEL IS MEXICAN!"

"SHUT UP YOU GUYS YOU'RE SO RACIST!"

"Agreed." Snape sighed. "Well_**, then if there were ever a couple contests we would win. **__You're so cocky. __**Well how's it like having the best boyfriend ever?**_"

"OMGGZZ!"

"Y U NO TELL US EARLER?"

"I think someone just died."

"YOU SHOULD ASK COILN CUZ HE'S DATING SHAPE!"

"IT WAS A ONE NIGHT STAND!"

"Disgusting"

"Agreed girlfriend"

"PLAYA!"

"_I don't know go ask Ginny._" Snape read.

"No way, Potter is the worst boyfriend ever!"

"PARKINSON!" Ginny screamed. "HE'S WAY BETTER THEN BAISE!"

"OH NO HE ISN'T!"

"Come one girlie," Ginny said. "LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Fight!"

"FIGHT!"

"SHUT UP! BACK TO DRAMIONE 101!"

"_**Well that hurts my feelings. **__We all know you don't have feelings.__** Hermione, are you saying I don't love you? Well that's rude.**_" Snape snickered,

"AGAIN ABOUT LOVE!" Harry screamed as Ron fell on the floor again, as Ginny and Parkinson where first fighting outside.

"Well if Dumbledore was here he would put a stop to this."

"OR STEAL MALFOY FROM GRANGER!"

"Shut up," A slytherin boy screamed. "WE ALL KNOW HE's INTO GANDOLF!"

"Dun dun dun..."

"EWWW!"

"LORD OF THE RINGS!"

"I think I swallowed a bee."

Finally everyone calmed down as Snape read. "_You know I'm just kidding, love._"

"THIS IS ADSERVE!"

"I don't want to live on this planet anymore."

"HOLY VOLDEMORT!"

"HERMIONE! COME BACK TO THE TIME OF BATHROOMS AND TROLLS!" Ron screamed.

"MALFOY, COMEBACK TO THE TOMR OF WAND FIGHTS AND BATHROOMS!" Harry screamed.

"EWWWWW that sounds so wrong."

"No but really we had a fight in the bathroom."

"Like we care."

"_**I know that too, but seriously ditch those stupid Gryffindor's. **__Draco!__** I never knew you love my name so much.**_"

"NO WE NEED VOLDEMORT OVER HERE TO STOP THIS MADNESS!"

"Agreed."

"NNNNOOOOOOOO!"

"Oh shut up we all want this to end!"

"Wait till my lawyer hears about this!" Draco said.

"Oh so Daddy won't help you anymore? Are you a big boy now?"

"Yeah!" Malfoy said. "Unlike you I got potty trained a few months ago."

"ooooOOOOOO!"

"_Ditto S__**o well I'll pick you up on Saturday at like 7?**__ Alright, better put these away before snape comes-_"

"HERMIONE DON'T GO!"

"I WON'T TELL ANYONE THE WAY YOU HOLD MY HAND!"

"YOU SPIN MY HEAD RIGHT ROUND!"

"Hermione?"

"Malfoy?"

"WHERE DID THEY GO!"

"Hermione left me!" Ron said sculling in a corner.

"You guys where never together."

"WELL YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! " Snape laughed.

"Wut?"

"What?"

"LET'S GO WATCH SOME X-FACTOR!" Well of course everyone agreed, well except Ron he was still going crazy.

_**A/N: thank you so much for reading =) Please review and tell me what you thought about it. I haven't really been on the computer much other then 9gag (really addicting) and I might write a new chapter. I don't know when but I think I will, it might be in a month or a week or in a year but I'll write it (well probably in a couple of months) I still have to catch up to my other stories. **_

_**I would like to thank you for all the people that reviewed, added this story to their favorites and alerts. It means a lot ;) R&R **_


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